Steph Curry is Missingno

Dude this golden state team is like the death star if it just bumped party hip hop between destroying planets.

  • A text I received from Lux

DividerAnother article written by Lux?

You bet.

Another half assed intro written by me?

You know it.

the prophet

filigree-divider_13_lg copy 4Yo! Seriously. What the fuck? Steph Curry just went Ninja Assassin on the Clippers. In the first half, DeAndre Jordan was hanging back on pick and rolls. Steph turned that space into threes. He came out on him in the third. Steph shoved daggers down his throat. They had a guard match up him? No problem. Buckets. He did some of that Steph’s Patented Magic Passing, but the Clippers were pretty damn good tonight. That game was dangerously close for the murder machine out of Oakland. The Clips played solid defense, the offense was humming for the whiners out of LA, and Doc was playing match-ups particularly well (shouts to Billy Donovan! Good work buddy). Didn’t matter. Steph was on the other team. The shit was over. Even when LA had a lead with about eight minutes left, I wasn’t worried. It was just a matter of time till Steph started to cook, and once that pops – the fun don’t stop.

Before this becomes another Steph Curry lovefest (it will and it will be one of thousands), let’s take a second to recognize other players who did memorable things in this game. Chris Paul made some tough shots in the fourth quarter. Draymond Green set some earth shattering screens and played fantastic defense. Harrison Barnes went on a solo dolo run to bring the Warriors back after the clippers began building their lead late. Austin Rivers fouled out and looked very annoying. Luke Walton felt the pressure of his first real test. You could see it in his eyes, and for a moment he looked like a deer in a staring contest with a wolf. He regained his composure, though. Well done, Luke.


death-star-disco-ballOk platitudes done, lip service paid, let’s talk about the star of the show. He’s the hypermatter reactor that powers the fun loving, party rap bumping, planet obliterating Death Star that is the Golden State Warriors. Steph Curry is untouchable right now. He’s Kenshiro from Fist of the North Star. His precise strikes leave his opponents incapacitated and weak, but he’s not so blunt as that. He’s not delicate enough to be a surgeon, not even a John Thackery type (though he does have the energy for it). Some people call him a chef because he heats up (and Drake said it), but that’s a mischaracterization. The fire lives inside of him and it CAN’T go out. He doesn’t abide by the same rules as the rest of us. Steph Curry is a glitch in the system. Steph Curry is Missingno.

gt_popfiction_ep25_pokemon_missingno_mega64_1Missingno? You haven’t heard of it? You had friends in the 90s? Yeah me too. I uhhh… I just googled it for the reference. Anyways! Missingno was a glitch in the early Pokemon games. The name is short for missing number. See, when Nintendo chose to bless our world with Pokemon, they originally had more than the 151 we know so well. They took a few out and that was that, but one wasn’t completely removed. Instead there’s a Pokemon with no data or number assigned. It’s name is Missingno. What happens if you see one? Your shit glitches crazy. Missingno literally fucks the whole game up. It’s Steph! He shows up and the game collapses. The impossible (expanding the size of an item bag, anyone) becomes simple.

mew

You might say that if Steph Curry had to be compared to a technical error in a Pokemon game it’d be the level 100 Mew you can obtain with some weird reverse leveling business. They’re both elfin, cute, and super duper powerful. The thing is, Mew is totally dominant but within the terms of its reality. Missingno reduces the structures that bind that reality to dust. So does Steph Curry. He’s tearing apart the imaginary fabric that promises us the world makes sense. He’s laying the real out there for us and it’s beautiful, destructive. Watch him hit pull up after pull up until the defense collapses into itself wondering what more there is to do short of ritual magic. He tosses no look passes at angles that are so underutilized as to be functionally imaginary. Steph is forcing us to reckon with a fundamental fact about hoops. You gotta put the ball in the basket, and right now Steph not only does it the best of all – he changes the way we feel about it and our game in the process. Steph Curry is Missingno. Steph Curry for president.