The Based God Cometh

WARNING: THIS ARTICLE IS VERY EXPLICIT.

IT IS ALSO WAY LONGER THAN I INITIALLY THOUGHT IT WOULD BE BECAUSE THERE IS SO MUCH TO SAY.

When you’re damned like that, the questions multiply for you until in the end it’s all question and no answer.

The Iceman Cometh by American playwright Eugene O’Neill

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The Based Lord’s Prayer

Oh Heavenly Based God

I thank you this day for your swag in the trillions

swag in the thousands of trillions

and i pray, oh mighty based god, that you fuck my bitch based god,

oh my god based god,

May Durant and Harden forever tremble at the sound of your name

In Lil B’s name I pray,

thank you BasedGod.

Curse Hardened

CFkdOlUUMAEVtZT

James.

James, James, James.

You really screwed the pooch this time.

The Warriors were going to win their series against the Houston Rockets regardless of Based intervention, but the slaughter was not set in stone until Harden disrespected the OG Cook.  Thousands of peer-reviewed academic papers have proved beyond a shadow of a doubt that The Based God’s Curse is an observeable scientific phenomena.  Thorough analysis of Kevin Durant of the Oklahoma City Thunder has revealed that his swag levels are at nearly 0, while his championship ring levels are identically not-Based.

Think about how different life could be if you if you had bowed down and given him your respect, or even better, your bitch, as an offering to His Basedness.

What a tangled beard you weave, Mr. Harden.

History of Based History

Sometimes people have preconceived notions about other people. You might be saying something real nice, and because the receiver of the information has a preconceived notion about you, they might be like “argh, what?” you might just be giving some legit direction, like “hey this is how I feel.” I might be trying to give some information, but because of how I’m perceived by the receiver, they tend to have different feelings. Which makes life beautiful. That’s why, us as empathetic people that are looking for that next level of understanding—everybody doesn’t understand. Everybody can’t spell the word correctly, but they know the word.

– The BasedGod

The excerpt above is a quote pulled from an MIT Lecture  orated by Lil B last November.  The subject matter was broad and sporadic at times, but the dissertation was driven by two themes:

1. Music and art as a means of expression with deeper significance beyond making a profit.

Ideas are propelled by the people. If you have a lot of money that could help too, but that’s not what it’s about. Because as we see, you can have no money and have beautiful ideas and have morals, or have a lot of money and have beautiful ideas and have morals, and make it.

2. A unique opportunity given to this generation: to love one another and create a world unlike the world shared by our predecessors.

We right now are in a special generation. This is our generation, and this is our family. It’s not about violence. It’s not about correcting people, but you can correct out of love and positivity and protection. You can tell people “I love you, and I’m telling you this because I want you to be better, and that I care about you.”

Lil B has given lectures at NYU, UCLA, and Carnegie Mellon University, and in each lecture, he has threshed out different aspects of his soul; different passions that motivate and inspire him; different perspectives on music and the world around us.

The quote I opened with describes the negative interpersonal effects that accompany preconceived notions.  It’s puzzling how quickly we form an opinion on matters we don’t truly understand.  It’s as if we feel uncomfortable facing an unknown variable, an unformed opinion, so we rush to label, compartmentalize, and then file that opinion along with all the other half-backed and semi-formed beliefs we carry with us.

I urge you to proceed with your mind as a tabula rasa, a ‘clean slate,’ an open mind.  The BasedGod is a complex social construction, with a base based on Based Music:

“Based,” at large, is Lil B’s vaguely defined and slightly cultish ideology. He explains: “Being based means [being] positive, doing what you want to do, not caring and just being yourself.” You know, everything.

Fuck Kevin Durant

You said that I’m whack, see me on the court
Score on me if you talking bout points
I like Roc Nation and I love JAY Z
But I’m west side I’m screaming fuck KD, bitch

Fuck Kevin Durant, by Lil B.

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The Based God is not an arbitrary BasedGod; when he acts, he seeks justice, not vengeance, even when he has been wronged.

In 2011, Kevin Durant unwittingly altered the trajectory of his career, by casually blaspheming on Twitter.

Whack Rapper

Lil B’s relevancy is predicated on his ability to bend space and time to his whim.  Apparently, Kevin Durant was not a believer, which would have been fine, had he not insulted Lil B unprovoked.  Like Noah, Kevin Durant was swallowed by a whale, the whale of unfulfilled championship expectations, but he hasn’t yet put his money where his blow-hole is.

Lil B made it clear that KD can wash away his sins with a simple game of basketball.  Considering that Durant is pretty decent at the sport of basketball, that’s a paltry indulgence in light of his heretical behavior.  In an interview with TMZ, the BasedGod issued a commandment from on high:

What does KD have to do to rid himself of the dreaded Based God hex? That’s the question that has been asked since Lil B put the curse on Durant in 2011 after the NBA star dissed the rapper’s skills.

“All he has to do is meet on the basketball court for a friendly game of 21,” Lil B explained. “I’m passionate about my game, my defense. If he doesn’t beat me 21-0, he should be embarrassed.”

In a brief moment of mercy, the curse was ostensibly lifted on June 12th, 2012 – the date of the first game against the Miami Heat in the 2012 NBA Finals.  Later that day, the Thunder won their first game at home against the Heat in a convincing comeback win.  Kevin Durant led the Thunder with 36 points, all praise be to The BasedGod.

After the game, KD was given the opportunity to make amends and thank The BasedGod profusely for showing Oklahoma City mercy.

KD chose not to.  Mercy

KD chose to hate.

You can’t win hating.

It has been prophesied.

The next 4 games went as followed:

Game 2: Miami Heat 100, Oklahoma City Thunder 96.  Series tied 1-1.

Game 3: Oklahoma City Thunder 85, Miami Heat 91.  Miami leads 2-1.

Game 4: Oklahoma City Thunder 98, Miami Heat 104.  Miami leads 3-1.

Game 5: Oklahoma City Thunder 106, Miami Heat 121.  Miami wins series 4-1.

Here is a visual representation of the series:

Nope

The series started on June 12th and ended on June 21st – The date that Kevin Durant’s curse was lifted.  You can’t explain that.

2012-2013: The Season of the Beard

With each passing element we’re reminded of the fateful trade that altered the course of two franchises, maybe forever. It’s the blockbuster deal that will never die. It will stand as one of the rare trades in sports that always will be with us, for better or worse.

The Thunder’s Zombie Trade: Why James Harden to Houston is the deal that will never die – by Darnell Mayberry, writer for The Oklahoman.

Let me make this 100% clear: the trade was for worse, not for better.

During the 2012 off-season, the Thunder traded James Harden to the Rockets in this blockbuster trade:

The Thunder acquired:

1. Shooting guard Kevin Martin.

2. Combo guard Jeremy Lamb.

3. Memphis’ 2013 first-round draft pick. (André Roberson)

4. The Toronto Raptors’s 2013 first-round pick.  (Steven Adams)

5. The Charlotte Bobcats’s 2013 second-round draft pick. (Alex Abrines)

The Rockets Acquired:

1. Shooting guard James Harden.

2. Center Cole Aldrich

3. Forward Daequan Cook

4. Forward Lazar Hayward.

Thunderstruck Out

During his final season with the Thunder, Harden scored 16.8 points off the bench and was an integral part of the Thunder’s ascension to the Finals; he played well enough to win the 6th man of the year, being the youngest player in NBA history to do so.

A great scorer, a crafty passer, AND a team-first player?  Somebody was going to throw max money at him. The Thunder liked him, so why didn’t they stuff Harden’s beard so full of Benjamins that he wouldn’t be contractually, or physically, capable of leaving OKC?  Bill Simmons published an article about Oklahoma’s reservations titled  “The Harden Dilemma:”

If Thunder GM Sam Presti doesn’t lock Harden up by Halloween, Harden will play out the 2012-13 season and become eligible for a restricted free-agent offer. The odds of a well-below-the-cap team like Dallas, Houston, Atlanta, Detroit, Cleveland or Utah offering Harden “the max” (the highest they can go: four years, $64 million) are basically off the board in Vegas. He’s getting that money from someone.

Presti knows that. So does Harden. And that’s made their October dance particularly fascinating. Presti’s public rhetoric has been particularly pointed: “We love James, we’d love to bring him back, but we’re a small-market team and it would be really hard for us to pay the luxury tax.”

The Luxury Tax: scourge of NBA owners everywhere, a Communist conspiracy tightening it’s fist around the throats of honest, hard-working millionaire sports team owners with such vigor that it might as well be Stalin himself strangling every last drop of freedom out of a bald eagle.

Today it’s collective bargaining; tomorrow it’s collectivist bargaining.

Okay I owe you this reference: here’s some collectivism quotes pulled from AynRandLexicon.com, which is relevant because she shares the same loathing of the poor and disenfranchised masses that NBA owner’s consistently communicate:

Collectivism means the subjugation of the individual to a group—whether to a race, class or state does not matter. Collectivism holds that man must be chained to collective action and collective thought for the sake of what is called “the common good.”

“The Only Path to Tomorrow,”
Reader’s DigesTJan, 1944, 8.

Collectivism holds that the individual has no rights, that his life and work belong to the group . . . and that the group may sacrifice him at its own whim to its own interests. The only way to implement a doctrine of that kind is by means of brute force—and statism has always been the political corollary of collectivism.

“Racism,”
The Virtue of Selfishness, 128, 128

Fascism and communism are not two opposites, but two rival gangs fighting over the same territory . . . both are variants of statism, based on the collectivist principle that man is the rightless slave of the state.

“‘Extremism,’ or the Art of Smearing,”
Capitalism: The Unknown Ideal, 180

The political philosophy of collectivism is based on a view of man as a congenital incompetent, a helpless, mindless creature who must be fooled and ruled by a special elite with some unspecified claim to superior wisdom and a lust for power.

“Who Will Protect Us from Our Protectors?”
The Objectivist Newsletter, May 1962, 17What subjectivism is in the realm of ethics, collectivism is in the realm of politics. Just as the notion that “Anything I do is right because I chose to do it,” is not a moral principle, but a negation of morality—so the notion that “Anything society does is right because society chose to do it,” is not a moral principle, but a negation of moral principles and the banishment of morality from social issues.

“Collectivized ‘Rights,’”
The Virtue of Selfishness, 101

There’s a lot more classic quotes for you to read, but I guess I should get back to the topic at hand.

Sigh…

mrburns

Did we avoid the Luxury Tax?                                               ….excellent

The ownership of the OKC Thunder is held by Professional Basketball Club LLC, which so profoundly lacks creativity or humanity that I am assuming that the company’s name is an ironic commentary on the corporatism of professional athleticism in the 21st century.  The ownership group is represented by Clayton Ike Bennett, as seen to your right.

Before I address the stupefying argument in favor of his decision, I feel like I should mention a few of the factors at play in respect to the team’s finances:

1. This is a team that could have featured a starting line-up of:

a. The 2014-15 season’s top scorer and the 4th highest scoring MVP vote recipient, who recorded a triple-double in over an eighth of his regular season games, Russell Westbrook.

b. The 2013-2014 season MVP and league-leading scorer, Kevin Durant.

c. James Harden: The 2014-2015 season 2nd highest scoring MVP vote recipient, owner of the second highest scoring average in the league, and a player who carried the Houston Rockets to the 2nd best record in the Western Conference without the help of Dwight Howard,

d. 3x All-Defensive team recipient and 2x league-leading shot blocker, Serge Ibaka.

e. Fucking Air Bud for all I care, it doesn’t even matter at this point. Anyone or anything besides Kendrick Perkins.

2. OKC had 4 consecutive sold-out seasons at this point, from 2009-2012.

3. By consistently making deep runs into the playoffs, the team makes significantly more money than otherwise through numerous outlets: merchandising, advertising, ticket sales, TV rights, promotional events, Jersey sales, bonuses, etc.

4. The Thunder had successfully avoided the salary cap every year since rebranding from the Seattle Supersonics and arriving in OKC, despite fielding a top-3 caliber team on numerous occasions.

5. Winning championships and establishing a dynasty is ludicrously lucrative.

What a Bunch of Dipshits

EDMOND, OK - OCTOBER 1: Serge Ibaka #9, Russell Westbrook #0, James Harden #13 and Kevin Durant of the Oklahoma City Thunder pose for a portrait during 2012 NBA Media Day on October 1, 2012 at the Thunder Events Center in Edmond, Oklahoma. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. Mandatory Copyright Notice: Copyright 2011 NBAE (Photo by Layne Murdoch/NBAE via Getty Images)

OK, so imagine you’re James Harden. Your team already took care of Durant and Westbrook, gave $48 million to someone who couldn’t start for Spain’s Olympic team (sorry, I had to), and guaranteed Kendrick Perkins $25.4 million over the next three years (yes, the decimal was in the right place). Now they’re telling you, “You can stay, Glue Guy For Our Perennial Contender, but only if you take less.”

“The Harden Dilemma” by Bill Simmons again.

The Thunder traded an MVP-caliber talent for a slew of mediocre role-players, a 12th-pick-in-the-draft bust, (Jeremy Lamb) and an aging Kevin Martin on a 1 year contract who predictably signed with the Minnesota Timberwolves a year later, opting to play for yet another team so utterly irrelevant that he can be mistaken for a star player.

based

Who’s irrelevant now, bitch?

I sense Lil B’s hand in all of this.  James Harden’s beard must’ve soaked in some of Durant’s bad juju, placing him on an inexorable path of suffering, defeat, and Dwight Howard.

Despite entering the playoffs with a league best 60-22 record, the Thunder clearly missed Harden’s abilities to demand attention on offense and compensate for Westbrook’s inconsistency.  This year, they were knocked out by the Memphis Grizzlies, thanks in no small part to a suspiciously ill-timed injury to Russell Westbrook: Game 2 (2nd year of curse? 2nd victim? The BasedGod works in mysteriously swag ways) of the 1st round matchup with the James Harden (foreshadowing? curses to all 3 players spelled doom?) led Houston Rockets.  SB Nation described the Westbrook injury as follows:

Everyone’s chances got a lot more realistic now that OKC is mortal. Anything could happen here… After a year where OKC was statistically head and shoulders above anyone else in the West, it’s still a little surreal to see how quickly everything can become a crapshoot. It’ll take a while to fully process all this.

Russell Westbrook (and Patrick Beverley) just turned the NBA playoffs upside down” by Andrew Sharp on Apr 26, 2013

Surreal indeed.

The Thunder exited the next round after being mauled by the Memphis Grizzlies 4-1.

Lil-B-Cursing-Kevin-Durant

2013-2014: The Season of the West-Broken

russell-westbrook-hurt

Russell Westbrook underwent arthroscopic surgery on his right knee on December 27th, the third different surgical procedure on the knee that year.

The OKC blog Loud City interviewed Dr. David Geier, an Orthopedic surgeon with expertise in the area of meniscus repair:

J.A. Sherman: As noted, the Thunder press release was vague in regards to what the doctors had sought to repair. Can you speculate on what are some of the things that the doctors may have found that could have been previously undetected? Do you think it is chronic or acute?

Dr. David Geier: The most likely candidate would seem to be a small area of damage or wear and tear to a small area of articular cartilage, the cartilage lining the ends of the bones. A loose piece of articular cartilage can cause swelling or a catching sensation within the knee. Arthroscopic surgery to remove the loose piece of cartilage and smooth out the area can be effective in helping athletes return to sports. Another cause could be an inflamed plica, a band of tissue within the knee that can cause swelling when it’s inflamed. An issue with one of the menisci in the knee, either the repaired meniscus or the opposite one, could be possible as well. Without knowing what the damage is, it is hard to know if the problem developed acutely or represents a chronic issue.

Dr. Geier’s blend of acutely specific details peppered with vague conjecture gave me heartburn, but I chose this article because it both communicates the concern of an athlete with multiple knee surgeries, while creating the atmosphere of lingering neuroticism associated with Westbrook’s particular case.  OKC just finished a dominant season, only to have victory vaporized: they weren’t exactly comfortable with the precarious situation Westbrook’s injury represented.

Athletes like Westbrook have suffered similar injuries and found that, without their patented explosiveness, they can never be the player they once were.  So many facets of his game are dependent on his freakish athletic dynamism that, and without it, he would likely struggle to even be a starter.

helpWithout Westbrook, the team’s fate was necessarily shouldered by Kevin Durant’s bitch-ass.  KD could no longer rely on his former teammate Harden, and his second in command was out of commission.  Only the BasedGod could help Durant in his time of need; but Kevin’s hubris again brought about his ruin.

Kevin went on to win an MVP: big deal.  He wasn’t even the real MVP:

Screen Shot 2015-05-25 at 9.19.30 AMAs her son receives the MVP award, KD’s mother sobs audibly, overwhelmed with sorrow because her son has brought dishonor,famine, and pestilence upon the Durant household by angering the BasedGod.  Recognizing the shame that he has brought his mother, Kevin tearfully mourns the inevitable death of his championship aspirations.  The poor fool.

A MVP trophy without a championship ring is a curse in of itself.  It doesn’t matter how talented or dominant a player is – failing to win a championship excludes you from consideration when the it’s time to discuss the best of the best.  Talking heads constantly assert that the best measure of a player is their championship legacy; that being said, these same people decided to let Charles Barkley be a commentator.

Stick to playing basketball, Charles.

Speaking of Barkley, who is willing to claim that he is less talented than say, Glen Davis, who won a championship with the Celtics in the 2007-2008 post-season? For fuck’s sake, Glen Davis is the male equivalent of Mo’Nique, the actor who played Mary in the movie Precious:

Fat People

What about Steve Nash?  Steve Nash was the perfect floor general to command the Suns fast-paced offense, a guard simultaneously capable of hitting players for open 3 point shots as well as high efficiency points at the bucket. He’s mostly remembered as a passing wizard, but his incredible accuracy from anywhere in the offense was equally valuable to this style.  He is one of only 6 members of the highly exclusive 50-40-90 club – 50 percent from the field, 40 percent from the 3 point line, and 90 percent from the foul line. Evaluated on a per season basis, the 50-40-90 mark was reached 4 times during the course of his career.  Larry Bird is the only other player to reach the mark on multiple occasions, but he tallied just 2 seasons to Nash’s 4.  He currently holds the best career free-throw percentage in NBA history.

The Suns were screwed by circumstance in two consecutive seasons, but they were a championship caliber team.  His legacy is stained because he never won a championship, but he wants his legacy to reflect a different aspect of his game:

“I simply want people to remember me as a competitor and as a great teammate.  That’s it.”

Kevin Durant doesn’t want to be another great player who gets added to the bittersweet echelon of great players who never reached the summit.  He needs to wisen up, and he needs to do it before the Thunder fracture.  They are built to win a championship, but the curse is weighing them down:

After a year where OKC was statistically head and shoulders above anyone else in the West, it’s still a little surreal to see how quickly everything can become a crapshoot. It’ll take a while to fully process all this.

imagesProcess this: Lil B doesn’t fuck around.

Westbrook returned, but given his performance in the 2014-2015 season, he wasn’t playing the kamikaze caliber of offense that we have become accustomed to.

2014-2015: The Season of the Cursed Two

Kevin Durant played 27 games this season after playing literally every game of his NBA career.  Many scouts were critical of his thin frame before he came into the league: after a beefy Lebron had dominated the position for years, they were unconvinced that Durant could reach the same heights.  Despite the criticism, Durant hasn’t gained a significant amount of weight, and that’s given him a whole slew of benefits that have propelled him into the all-time best scorer discussion.

ESPN lists Durant at 6’9″ and 240 pounds.   Lebron was 270 lbs. at his heaviest, but has since shed 20ish pounds in an effort to extend his career.  Just ask Shaq or Yao what 300 pounds can do to your knees and feet.

On February 14th, in a game against the Dallas Mavericks, KD went down with a foot injury.  As of now, he’s had 3 surgeries on the same foot, and people are talking.  Mitch Lawrence of Forbes recognizes that repetitive injuries can be a serious issue:

This is very scary for Durant, fast on his way to the Hall of Fame, but now nearing the end of a contract with a cloud of uncertainty over his head. He’s a free agent in the summer of 2016, and who’s to say he’ll get a maximum-money deal after his third round of surgery since last October? No one can guarantee that he’ll ever be the same.  Mitch Lawrence,

Screen Shot 2015-06-25 at 2.53.59 AM

Time out.

Okay, this article is meant to be interpreted as a joke in a lot of ways.  It’s worthwhile to recount the struggles of an absurdly talented team.

But to be clear; I would never wish an injury like this on any player, and it is a significant tragedy for basketball that Kevin’s health is now in question.  The same sentiment applies to Russel, Ibaka, and any other player on any other team.  Lil B would never break character in the same way that I’m currently doing, but I feel certain that Lil B doesn’t wish injury to anyone:

if he came to D.C…I would…uhhh…you know, me and Kevin—me and Kevin got a game to play. Once Kevin is off his injury from the Based God’s curse. I pray for the Thunder team, I pray for them.

Time in.

Yo, Fuck KD and fuck his weak ass crew and everyone who rolls with his bitch ass.

Screen Shot 2015-06-25 at 3.29.01 AMThat was fake as hell.  The only real thing Kevin said in that video is that the BasedGod has “so many fans.”

While Kevin was sitting on the sideline, Russel Westbrook put on a show that was transcendant:

The number that best sums his year up is 11, as in the number of triple-doubles. Only two players in the last 20 seasons — Jason Kidd (twice) and Grant Hill — had more triple doubles in a season, but both played a full year. Westbrook missed 15 games. Then, toss in a 30-plus point streak during that run that is only bested by one Michael Jordan. Westbrook led the league in scoring, was third in assists, second in steals and led all guards in rebounding. The man was a human highlight reel.

– Zito Madu – Russel Westbrook’s season is over, and life’s not fair.

Russel was incredible: he became the player everyone hoped he would be, and simultaneously, proved to us that his freakish athleticism hadn’t left him due to his injuries.  However, the article goes on to tell the sad truth: it just wasn’t enough.

But just as the numerous injuries sealed OKC’s fate, so, too, was Westbrook’s objective ultimately out of his hands. He did everything humanely possible against the Wolves to give his team a fighting chance, and that’s all he could do. His playoffs future was in the hands of the San Antonio Spurs and the hope that another outrageous talent, Anthony Davis, would let his chance slip. He didn’t.

He meant to say ‘humanly,’ not ‘humanely,’ but both analyses are accurate – it would have been inhumane to inflict even more punishment than he did opposing defenses.  The UN was no doubt watching him all season, debating about whether or not his absurd performances were a crime against humanity.

Before the season began, oddsmakers gave the Thunder 6/1 odds.  For reference:

Cleveland Cavaliers 5/2
San Antonio Spurs 4/1
Chicago Bulls 11/2
Oklahoma City Thunder 6/1
Los Angeles Clippers 12/1

The Thunder didn’t even make the playoffs.

As far as the victor of the BasedGod vs. Kevin Durant conflict, I’ll let you decide:

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The Beard is Sheared

Screen Shot 2015-05-25 at 9.16.27 AM

My most dramatic prophetic failure this season concerned the Rockets this year.  I thought they were going to take a step back this year and demonstrate conclusively that their core was not viable in a competitive way.

James Harden 2014-2015 season demonstrated to the world that James Harden was a player who can be trusted to perform.  Questions arose about his leadership, his clutch play, even his drive, after his Rockets went down to the underdog Trailblazers.  The Rockets suffered because of their poor post-season performance: the team experienced an exodus of talent, but more importantly, no third star materialized in Houston.  You can read my article about this process here.

That offseason, James Harden changed his philosophy on defense, which I assume had been to profoundly shit the bed constantly:

After Dwight Howard went down with yet another injury, James Harden pulled a below average Rockets team to a 56-26 record.  It was something special.  He had my vote for MVP.

The Rockets entered the playoffs against the 7th seed Dallas Mavericks, which were completely falling apart due to Rondo-related discord.  They entered the second round after a 4-1 gentleman’s sweep.

Next, the Rockets squared off against a Clippers team that I had pegged as a legitimate contender.  The Rockets were on the verge of collapse after being handily defeated 3 times and only managing to eek out a single win.  The Clippers had just finished a thrilling series against the defending champs in San Antonio, and they looked every bit as good as I expected them to.

J.E. Skeets pointed out that if he had been told beforehand that consecutive Josh Smith 3 pointers would win a series for the Houston Rockets, he would’ve been absolutely stunned.  On the Pistons Josh was an atrocious sharp-shooter, in fact Kyle Wagner of the website Regressing.com wrote an article titled Is Josh Smith the Worst 3 Point Shooter of All TIme?

A quick summary of Bad Boys’ analysis: Smith is on pace to shoot more than 300 threes, and has shot 23.9 percent on them this season. This would be the worst percentage of anyone who’s ever taken 300 threes. In fact, it would be the worst percentage of anyone who’s taken 200 threes, and if he stopped right now, only two people would have shot worse on the same 155 threes—Mike Evans and, of all people, Charles Barkley.

jameshardenmixesitupovernetsHe improved in Houston after being dumped by the Pistons, but he still wasn’t good or even mediocre.  But for one magical night, Josh Smith thrust the Rockets back into a series that everyone thought was over.

They proceeded to win 2 more games against the reeling Clippers, who looked understandably exhausted after their slug-fest with the Spurs.  That being said, the utter collapse of the Clippers wouldn’t have been relevant if the Rockets had given up.

KexgXZGoing into the Western Conference Finals, the Rockets looked like they could seriously contend with the Warriors.  Until Harden stole a Lil B original dance move on national television.

The BasedGod showed mercy and gave Houston until Game 3 to ” tell what he is doing, which is the Lil B cooking dance, he will be cursed. He needs to stop stealing Lil B swag without showing love.”

The first two games of the series were nail-biters, but still no word came from Harden.  The Rockets’ fans began to worry:

BasedGodPlease

For Whom the Lil B Tolls

sadj.0

In game 3, Lil B let James Harden know exactly what forces he was dealing with.  They were slaughtered to the tune of 35 points.  Harden shot a pathetic 3-16 from the field, had a +/- of -31 points, and was limited to 17 points.  It was disgraceful.

Down 3-0, James looked beat, but Lil B gave him 1 last chance at redemption.  In game 4, Harden had the most impressive game of his playoff career, scoring 45 points and beating the Warriors 128-115.  After the game, he chose to ignore questions concerning the BasedGod, and in doing so, sealed his fate.

Screen Shot 2015-05-25 at 9.32.49 AMNot only did the Rockets lose 90-104, the loss was squarely on James’ shoulders.

2-11 from the field.

0-3 from the 3 pt. line

12 turnovers (a playoff record)

Harden’s collapse was a tragic blow to the Rockets, who have failed to bring a 3rd star to their team partly because of the Rockets’ unconvincing post-season play.  They improved their reputation this year, but their annihilation at the hands of the Warriors brings their previous 2 series into question.

How did the Mavericks, a team that was in shambles by the time the playoffs began, manage to compete with the 2nd seed Rockets?  Dallas never lost by more than 12 points, and even won a game.

Why did the Rockets go down 3 games to 1 against a Clippers team that had just finished a brutal series against the Spurs?  The Clippers had the least bench depth in the playoffs, and arguably in the entire league.  Did the Rockets win simply because the Clippers were exhausted?

The curse changes everything.

All praise to the Original B.

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the prophet